


A Response To The Jews Of Ganymede.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Highlander: The Series, Zionist Galactic Federation (Tumblr)
Genre: Fake Halacha, Ficlet, Gen, Immortals in Space, Insufficiently-creative rabbis giving opinions, Jewish Humor, Jews In Space, Pesach, Yinglish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 09:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10487472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: To the Jews of Ganymede on the question of the permissibility of selling chometz to Immortals.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [devo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/devo/gifts), [Rymenhild](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rymenhild/gifts).



To our friends the Jewish community of Ganymede,

All of klal yisroel are distressed to hear of the delays you endured at the Ceres Outpost and how several of the ships of your colony will not reach you before Pesach. You have written to us that, of the community members who have arrived safely on Ganymede, there are only five goyim, and all are Immortals.

Now, the machmir amongst you will not sell chometz to someone not on the same planetary body, because the buyer must have access to the chometz, and we agree that it is better to be stringent in this regard. However, there is, as you well know, a long machlokes regarding the permissibility of selling chometz to Immortal goyim. The issue, of course, is how can we be sure they are goyim. 

Neither the chachomim nor our learned scientists have told us for certain how to determine the parents of the Immortals in our midst, so we cannot say that their parents are not Jewish. There are therefore those who hold that there is a sofek that all Immortals are Jewish, and therefore, you of course cannot sell them your chometz. Now, you say that some of these Immortals are perhaps very old. It is true that our mesora says that there were no Jews before mattan torah, so if they were born before that, their parents were not Jewish. But there is the famous teshuva that Immortals are either directly the children of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, or they are Nephilim, and either way, they are Jewish or they are not someone who you should want to enter into a halachic contract with! And even if we go by the opinion that Immortals are human beings like any other who were made B'tzelem Elokim, nu, would you sell your chometz to Avraham Avinu? Or one of his followers? We cannot imagine the gedulah of our ancestors. And our date for mattan torah, it is of course an estimate, we could be very wrong. Only a fool believes no midrashim, and only a fool believes all of them. It is better to be strict.

Also, when we get old, Immortal or not, you know how it is, sometimes our memories desert us. If these Immortals have gaps in their memories, do we know that during those times, they did not become part of Am Yisroel? Chas v'chalilah we should sell our chometz to a member of Am Yisroel!

There are also even those, you will forgive me for mentioning, who do not hold that Immortals are alive, but since Immortals tell us they are alive, we believe them! 

It is therefore the opinion of the Venusian Rabbinate that it will not be possible for your community to sell your chometz this year in a halachically permissible manner, and so the chometz must be destroyed in accordance with halacha.

We have taken up a collection here on Venus to replace any losses you may incur from being machmir on this issue, and we will ship you some delicious chometz in time for Lag Ba'omer.

Rav Ploni Almoni

**Author's Note:**

> Glossary:  
> Am Yisroel = the Jewish people  
> Avraham Avinu = the patriarch Abraham  
> B'tzelem Elokim = in the image of God  
> Chachomim = sages  
> Chas v'chalilah = heaven forbid  
> Chometz = leavened food that is forbidden on Pesach  
> Gedulah = greatness  
> Goyim = non-Jews  
> Hakadosh Baruch Hu = God  
> Halacha = Jewish law  
> Klal Yisroel = the Jewish people  
> Machlokes = dispute  
> Machmir = stringent  
> Mattan Torah = the time of the giving of the Torah to the Jews  
> Mesora = tradition  
> Nu = well?  
> Sofek = doubt  
> Teshuva = in this usage, responsum, an answer


End file.
